


The Life I wanted

by JayceCarter



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/M, Pining, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:51:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16618442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayceCarter/pseuds/JayceCarter
Summary: Nora knows fatherhood isn't the life Gage wants, so she walks out on him before he can leave her. When he shows back up, she finds she might not know him as well as she thought.





	The Life I wanted

**Author's Note:**

> I had this in my drafts folder forever and figured I'd put it up since I didn't have an update for Thursday.
> 
> Monday will have the first Arrangement update which will happen every Monday. <3

 

Nora didn’t cry. She repeated it to herself over and over as she faced off against Gage in her Overboss Quarters. 

They were fighting about something stupid, like always. They fought like drunken children most of the time, over things that didn’t matter. 

This mattered, but Nora hadn’t been honest about any of it. 

“I ain’t settlement material, boss!” His heavy boots hit the ground as he paced. “Ain’t gonna be happy sitting pretty in some fucking little backwater town growing tatos and fucking mutfruit. You knew that when you got here, knew it when we started fucking.” 

Yeah, Nora had known it. It had been written all over the scarred raider the moment she’d walked into Nuka World all those months before. 

She’d spent so much of the time since side by side with him. They’d cleared the parks, took out the Disciples, and ended up inseparable. 

Gage was someone she couldn’t lose, now. She loved him in a way she hadn’t known she was even capable of. 

“I’m not asking forever, just for a while. We’ve barely been back to the Commonwealth since I arrived.” 

Gage walked over and pulled Nora against him. His large hands gripped her, one hand on her hip, the other cupping her breast in a blatant grope. “That’s because this is home, now. These are your people, our people, our home. Ain’t nothing back in the Commonwealth you need.” 

Nora pushed at his shoulders because if he touched her a minute longer, if he kissed her, she’d be lost. 

Gage released her, face hard. “You gonna leave me?” 

“I don’t want to leave you; I want you to come with me.” 

“Can’t. I don’t belong in the Commonwealth.”

“You belong with me!”

“Then stay!”

Dizziness struck Nora hard, the way it had the last few weeks. She let herself drop into a chair, head falling into her hands. “I can’t, Gage. I can’t stay here.”

He crouched down in front of her, his hands on her knees, fingers gripping like she was leaving and he could hold her there. “Don’t leave me, please. Just stay. Whatever life you’re thinking about in the Commonwealth, it ain’t for us, ain’t for me.”

And there was her answer, wasn’t it? Gage would never be happy in the Commonwealth, and Nora couldn’t stay in Nuka World, at least not right then. 

What else was there to say? She wanted to crawl into his lap, to beg him to kiss her, to hold onto him, but it would kill her when she had to leave.

And she had to.

So instead, Nora pulled away.

“You’re leaving me, ain’t you? Right now, right in the middle of the fucking night.” 

Nora packed her gear. Armor, caps, weapons. The way to Sanctuary was better with Minuteman patrols all over the place, mostly safe. Day or night didn’t make much of a difference. 

“At least fucking talk to me!” He caught her arm and turned her so she had to face him. “You owe me that much. After what we’ve had, you owe it to me to at least look at me and talk to me.” 

“What do you want me to say?”

“That you’ll stay.” 

Nora held tight to all her bravery and went to her toes for a kiss. It hurt, especially because he didn’t kiss her back. She pressed her forehead to his chest for a moment before pulling away. “I’ll be in Sanctuary if you change your mind.” 

He said nothing as she fled to the lift, standing there, lit from behind, from the lights of the home they’d shared.

When the lift hit bottom, Nora pressed her hand over her stomach, over Gage’s baby he knew nothing about, the whole reason she had to leave. She was twelve weeks pregnant according to Mackenzie, but it never seemed the right time to tell him. When she approached the idea of leaving, he’d balk and distract her. 

But Mackenzie had finally explained that Nuka World wasn’t safe. She lacked the medical knowledge to care for a pregnancy, which meant Nora had to return to the Commonwealth.

If she told Gage about the baby, he’d go. He wouldn’t hesitate, wouldn’t question, he’d go. But, Nora wanted him to go because he wanted to be with her, not because he didn’t have a choice. She remembered the way Nate had looked at her when they’d married, when he’d moved her into the house, when she’d had Shaun.

Nate hadn’t wanted that life, but with her knocked up, he’d done what was expected. His resentment had chipped away at her over the months of her pregnancy, over the first months of Shaun’s life. 

No, Nora couldn’t have Gage look at her with that same anger, with that simmering resentment over the life he’d wanted, the one she’d messed up. 

Nora couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as she walked out of the park, her hand still touching her stomach. This was the life Gage said he didn’t want, so Nora left him to the life he wanted. 

#

_ Two Months Later _

Nora wanted to shoot Carrington. The asshole rubbed his hand over her back while she held a tree to keep herself upright and threw up into the bushes. 

Not her best moment, but as it turned out, pregnancy seemed full of them. 

She’d done this before with Shaun, but pregnancy in the old world had been a lot easier. She’d been able to rest in a safe, warm home with Codsworth waiting on her. 

Now? 

Now settlements needed protecting and crops needed planting, and if she ignored any of it, she might not have a home to bring her child to. 

So she suffered through the constant nausea, the exhaustion, the tears. Late at night was the worst, when she crawled into her empty bed alone. 

She missed Gage. She’d hear his deep voice and his cursing in her sleep. It was the only time she felt happy, when she got to pretend in the recesses of her mind that he was there, that he would be there.

She imagined him holding his baby against his chest, those big fingers stroking over the baby’s cheek, a half smile on his lips. 

Nora shoved Carrington’s hand off her as she wiped her mouth. “I’m fine,” she snapped.

“You are not fine. How many times do I need to tell you, you have to take it easy. You aren’t able to keep food down and have lost twenty pounds over the last two months. Pushing yourself on top of that is a sure way to make you and the baby sick. You need to let other people do things.” 

Nora turned on him and shoved his chest. “What does it matter? What does any of this matter?”

Carrington caught her hands together. “Come on, Nora. You need to lie down.” He helped her back to her house and got her into bed. 

It was why Deacon had called him, because Carrington was the only doctor who could maneuver Nora, who could stand against her complaining and threats. She’s scared off Dr. Sun, Dr. Amari. Only Carrington was surly enough to force her to do what she needed. 

She held back a whine as she laid flat on her bed. Her back ached, a tightness that never eased. 

Carrington helped her settle into the bed, then pulled the blanket over her. “You have water on the side of your bed and comics there. I expect you to finish the water and remain in bed until tomorrow morning.”

“Of course,” she lied.

He pointed a finger at her as he walked backward, toward the door. “Don’t think I’m above telling Tom that the Institute remnants want to infect your baby. He’ll keep you in that bed, afraid that if you step on the floor, the soil might infect you.”

How funny that Carrington would be her rock, that they all would be. She’d thought herself alone when she’d woken, and yet she’d ended up with a family.

None of it really dulled the pain of missing Gage, of being alone, but it helped. Her child would have a family no matter what. Each of these people she’d gathered over her time in the new world would look out for her child, would give them a place, a family. 

She forced herself to gulp down half the water before she picked up a comic and lost herself in the stories. 

 

#

 

The heavy steps in the hallway had Nora rolling her eyes and refusing to look up. She’d stayed in bed for the past three hours, but there’d been no shortage of people stopping in to ensure she was resting. 

Carrington, Deacon, Hancock, Preston. All of them had popped in.

“Look, I’m lying down, okay? Behaving myself like a good girl. You can go tell Carrington I’m doing as he said.” She kept her gaze on the comics, eyes tracing the pictures that had faded over the years. 

“You, a good girl? Guess we been apart a lot longer than I thought.” 

Nora jerked her gaze up to find Gage standing in the doorway. He’d removed his yellow armor, but otherwise? 

He looked like he had the day she’d met him, after she’d stepped over Colter’s corpse. They’d gone up to the Overboss quarters where he’d given her a tour before the two of them ended up in the bed. The instant connection between them had frightened her, but that hadn’t stopped her from throwing herself into it. 

She sat up but froze before she moved off the bed. If she moved that blanket, he’d know. Being pregnant with her second, she’d shown faster. There was no way he wouldn’t notice the change, wouldn’t guess. 

So instead, she set the comic down and clutched the edge of the blanket. “What are you doing here?”

He shuffled his feet against the ground even as he kept his gaze on her like he needed to memorize every detail. “You sick, boss? I asked around, and they said you were on bed rest by order of the doc. If you were sick, you shoulda’ sent word.”

“I wouldn’t guilt you into coming here. And you didn’t answer me.”

Gage dragged his fingers through his hair, the action tugging on his eyepatch. He released a frustrated huff. “I fucking missed you. Kept thinking you’d cool off, that you’d come back. After I waited a while, when I realized you weren’t, I figured, fuck you. Lived a long time before you, wasn’t about to let you decide what I did, so I crawled my ass into a bottle and cursed your name for a while.”

Nora flinched at the rawness of his voice, at the anger there. “Did cursing at me from that far away not help enough? Did you decide you wanted to do it to my face?” Worse? She wouldn’t even blame him for it.

Gage leaned his back against the wall after moving into the room. “Nah. I don’t stay mad for long, too much effort. Another two weeks of that bullshit and I knew, I missed you. Couldn’t fucking sleep without you, couldn’t relax. How the fuck you got me hooked on that laugh of yours? The one when you snort?” He drew his hands into fists, staring down at them instead of her. “Look, you know how I feel, okay? If this is where you are, it’s where I want to be. I ain’t any good at this, at the feeling shit, at the apologies, but I fucking know that I’ve been trying to build something my whole damned life. I thought Nuka World was it, thought that was my legacy or some shit, but you know what? I’d burn that fucker to the ground if it’s what you wanted, long as I got to come home to you, where ever that was.”

Nora said nothing as she watched him stumble his way through the declaration, as the words sunk in. He’d come for her? Not because he had to, not because he was trying to live up to anything, but just because he couldn’t live without her? And how many times had she dreamed of this moment, of him coming back, of hearing that rough voice cursing at her in the sweet way he did?

He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair again. “But, fuck, I get it if you ain’t into it anymore. I ain’t gonna force you into shit. Maybe, fuck, maybe it took me too long. Maybe you realized you could do better. Maybe-“

“-Shut up and get over here,” Nora said.

Gage pulled in a sharp breath before he crossed the room in a rush. He crawled onto the bed and crowded her, his lips against hers, his hand on the back of her neck. His knee crumpled a comic, but neither cared. He pulled her closer, his breath warming her, as familiar as the weight of his body.

He broke the kiss but kept his forehead against hers. “You gonna tell me why you’re in here, now? Take on another impossible mission?” His hand ran down her side as he spoke, pausing when it brushed over the bump of her stomach.

Gage frowned like he couldn’t understand. He pulled back, the action causing him to straddle her thighs. He grasped the top edge of the blanket and pulled it down, revealing her stomach. It wasn’t huge, but a far cry from the flatness it had been before. 

“Well fuck,” He didn’t touch her again, knuckles white around the blanket. He gulped before lifting his gaze to hers. “This why you left? This why you suddenly needed to be in a settlement?” 

Nora nodded, her voice not working. 

“Mine, right?” 

Another nod.

“Well fuck.” 

They sat in silence, Gage staring at her stomach, his eyebrows drawn together. 

There it was. He was going to resent her. It was happening all over again. 

She shoved at his shoulder until he moved off her. “This is why I left. This isn’t the life you want, and that’s okay. I can do it myself. You can go back to Nuka World and forget, okay?” She got out of the bed, ignoring Carrington’s advice.

It didn’t matter, not when her heart was breaking again, not as she lost Gage all over again. 

“Wait-”

“-Why did you come back? Why couldn’t you have just stayed gone!” Nora’s head spun, so she grasped the doorframe to steady herself. Getting up made her light-headed, and that was at times she wasn’t upset and yelling. “You can’t keep doing this. You can’t show up and then run off again. I can’t take it, and I won’t put my kid through it. You don’t want this so just go!” 

Nora’s heart pounded against her chest, and the dizziness increased. She tried to take a step backward, wanting to get out of the room, get away from his stare, to not have to see him anymore. It just hurt too much. 

Her knees gave out, and she gave into the darkness, so she just didn’t have to see him.

 

#

 

Nora woke up to her least favorite face. Carrington had his fingers against her wrist, eyes on his watch. He turned his gaze to hers when she shifted.

His face softened. “You worried me.” 

“Sorry.”

“I think I ordered you on bedrest. Do you see why, now?” 

Nora nodded, then let her eyes close. “Yeah, I get it. I promise I won’t get out of bed again.” No reason to. Gage was probably halfway to Nuka World by then. 

“I’ll make sure she stays put.” Gage’s rough voice had Nora bolting upright.

Carrington grumbled as he stood, then left them, complaining beneath his breath.

Nora didn’t allow herself to hope. “I thought you’d be a long ways gone by now.” 

“So did I.” 

Ouch. “So why are you here? I’m serious, Gage, I’m not going to guilt you into anything. Stop jerking me around, though.” 

“You should have told me. You don’t get any high ground here when you run off with my baby inside you and don’t say shit to me. You don’t get to be pissed when it takes me by surprise, damn it.” 

Nora dropped her gaze. He wasn’t wrong. “I didn’t want you to do anything just because I was having a kid. If you didn’t want this life, that was okay, but we needed to figure it out then. I didn’t want you deciding to try this just to walk out on me in a year.” She set her hand on her stomach. “You aren’t a family guy, I know. This isn’t the life you want, and it’s okay. Really, it is. I lived with Nate after I got pregnant, and he never forgave me. He never got over everything he was losing for a life he didn’t want. I can’t do that again, Gage, so it’s okay. Go.” 

Silence met her, thick and uncomfortable and choking. She refused to give in, to look up. She braced herself to hear the click of the front door that would happen moments before her heart shattered.

Instead, it was Gage’s rough voice that broke the silence. “Stop fucking trying to run me off, sweetheart.” The bed moved, his weight shifting it. “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be.” 

Nora opened her eyes, and the sight of Gage there had her ready to cry. “Don’t do this to me, Gage. I can’t do this, can’t just be friends, can’t handle you walking out on me.” 

“Ain’t walking anywhere.” He set a hand on her cheek, and she almost hated herself for leaning into it. “I ain’t saying this is what I planned for, but I fucking know I want to be with you, wherever that it, whatever life that is.” 

“This isn’t just about where we are, Gage. Everything changes with a kid. It’s a whole different life.” 

He leaned closer until his lips brushed hers. “You weren’t what I thought I wanted either. Never saw myself being love-sick over some girl, but here we are. Yeah, maybe having a kid ain’t what I planned, but I ain’t going anywhere, not ever.” 

Nora pulled back, unable to hide the hope on her face, in her voice. Even the outside chance of a future she’d given up on overwhelmed her. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah, sweetheart, I’m sure. Didn’t come all this way to walk away empty-handed.” He dropped his gaze to her stomach. “Can I?”

She nodded, pushing the blanket down. 

Gage moved slowly, face a mask of something between awe and fear. He set his hand on her stomach, beside her hand. It dwarfed her stomach, reminding her of how large he was. The idea of him holding an infant in those arms had her smiling. 

He frowned as he stared at her stomach, at his hand as if he saw the same difference between them. Finally, his lips pulled into a smile more gentle than any Nora had seen on his face. “Maybe I wouldn’t make such a bad dad, huh?”

Nora set her hand over his. “I think you’ll be a great dad if that’s what you want.”

He kept his hand on her stomach before leaning in and stealing a kiss. “You threw my entire life into chaos, Nora, and I ain’t never looked back. Turns out sometimes what you need ain’t what you wanted. True of you, and I think it’ll be true of our kid.” His lips brushed hers, his hand over her stomach. “I ain’t going anywhere ever again.” 

  
  
  



End file.
